Losing the Girl

Just because a girl leaves the bar with you, doesn’t mean you’re getting any. There are all kinds of ways you lose the girl, as my friend Lee found out one night. Lee has picked up a cute and clearly inebriated red head from a local pub. Not that Lee is all that sober himself, mind you. The whole walk back to his apartment she is holding on to him to keep her balance. Of course really this is just a flimsy pretense for her to feel him up, and for him to do the same. With tension rising from their hands being all over each other, he barely gets her back to his apartment building before they start making out. They end up slopping saliva up against a wall in his apartment’s lobby, while they wait for the elevator. The elevator arrives and the red head breaks their embrace and immediately stumbles in. At that exact moment, Lee gets a call from a buddy still at the bar. Lee answers the call, and he does what he always does when he gets a call, he turns away from the person he’s with so he can talk “in private”. I’d like to think that if he were sober he would’ve got on the elevator first. As the elevator doors start closing, Lee clues in, but he’s a second too late. The doors close, and the elevator leaves with the cute, inebriated, oblivious red head. Of course the natural thing to expect in this situation would be for the girl to eventually return to the lobby to get Lee—only, that doesn’t happen. Lee stands there for 30 minutes calling elevators back to the lobby but the red head is not in any of them. She never returns to the lobby, and he never told her his apartment number. Lee never sees the girl again. That night, Lee doesn’t get laid because he physically lost the girl.